why princess, why?
by electrikitty
Summary: princess peach is pink, pretty, and often a helpless prisoner: a model princess in every way. yet when toadsworth inadvertently introduces princess peach to the concept of feminism, she realises that there may be more to life than waiting around in bowser's castle. this princess is about to undergo a royal attitude adjustment! / mario / one-shot


'We must ask ourselves _why,_ my fellow Toads.'

The statement startles me from my perusal of the shelves, and I walk over to the railing with a stack of books in my arms: books on power ups; Toad politics, and diplomacy between interstellar kingdoms.

I can't help but smile. Toadsworth has taken the stage — the library floor — yet again, for another one of his weekly lectures to the students that use the castle library. No one has the heart to complain about the noise, and it's established by now that every Tuesday, the library is his for whatever topic he chooses to ramble about.

He continues, waving his cane and trundling up and down. 'The main question is: _what_ is the meaning of life? Yet the meaning of life is abstract, and unable to be grasped as a single concept by everyone, as everyone is different. Therefore, the better question for each individual to ask themselves is not the _what_ of the universe, but the _why_ of their lives!' He swings his cane and nearly takes a nearby Toad's hat off. 'By searching for one's purpose and calling — and spiritual enlightenment, if that sort of thing blows your spotted hats back — one is better suited to find the specific answer that pertains to them.'

He points with his cane into the middle distance, and his black eyes glow fiercely. 'So, students. _Why_ are you here? _Why_ do you do what you do?'

A polite spattering of applause ends his little pep talk, and the assorted Toads make their way to their next destinations, lugging books almost as big as themselves as they go.

I can feel the faint urge to yawn. I repress the untactful response with a gloved hand. Merely from hours of poring over books, nothing at all to do with Toadsworth's philosophical ramblings. I may be a blonde, but I'm not an airhead. I sigh. It's not as though I _chose_ to be born with hair this particular shade of neon yellow.

I take my stack downstairs to the counter, to check the books out for taking back to my office. My thoughts wander as the Toad at the desk scans each title.

 _Why?_

My "why" is simple; I'm here to serve my kingdom and fulfil my duty as a princess, out of responsibility for those around me and love for what I do.

Yet… that's only half my life, I realise. The other half is spent in Bowser's castle; on Bowser's airships, waiting for Mario to show up so I can get back to my royal schedule.

 _Why is that?_

Because that's just how it is, isn't it?

So you're a damsel-in-distress because that's just how it is?

'Your books, Princess?'

I'm too busy watching the foundations of my existence being rocked, and I have to actually come back to the present. The Toad blinks at me uncertainly.

'Books. The universe.'

'…Which is it?'

I lightly slap myself with a gloved hand, and shake my head. 'The books, I'll take the books.'

'Good day, Princess…'

I leave the library, books in hand, and return to my office. Toads mill in the corridors, each tending to their duty, and rainbows of people crisscross paths in the streets outside the windows.

No offence to the Toads, but they seem to have an easy job of ascertaining their _why_. But then again, their not the princess; I am. I'm jealous of them, actually. Horribly unbecoming of a princess.

The Toads standing guard outside my door salute, and pull the doors to my chambers open, puffing in an adorable manner with the exertion. I smile and head past.

I set the books on my desk. And look up and out the window.

 _Why?_

I sit at my desk, trail a finger over the surface, over paper and pens, and finally touch the old-fashioned dial telephone on my desk and pick up the receiver. I have the number on speed dial on my phone. Yet I never have the chance to call it just for the sake of it.

I key in the numbers with a manicured finger, and wait.

'Allo?'

'Mario, it's Peach.'

'Ah, _Principessa_! How you a doing?'

I relax and smile, holding the receiver against my shoulder so I can sort out my books. 'Good, I guess.'

'You not a know? You sound a bothered about something, Princess.'

'I guess I am.'

He waits, and I like that about him. Not clamouring for me to tell him about it, not shoving it to one side and hiding it under a red carpet or a pile of royal invitations. Not like everyone else.

'You know the whole thing about — '

The sound of water blasting at full force explodes in my ear, and I shriek, flinging the phone away; the receiver hits the desk with a crash.

' _Dannazione,_ _Luigi!_

 _'Scuzi!'_

'You just a put those taps a back together! What a did ya even do?!'

'Eh… I guess I a forgot a piece?'

The roaring water kicks up a notch in volume, and I hear more Italian words that I don't know, and I'm guessing that I don't want to know, for that matter.

'WHICH PIECE?'

'THE WASHER!'

' _SEI UN IDIOTA, FRATELLO_?!

' _PROBABILMENTE!_ '

'JUST A GO AND TURN THE WATER OFF!'

' _SI_!'

A moment later, the water shuts down.

I gingerly pick up the receiver. 'Are you all right over there, Mario?'

'Ah, _si, si_. Don't a worry. We're a just at a plumbing job, and we, ah… phew, that was a _really_ bad…'

I stifle a giggle. Then I tilt my head, and my brow creases. 'When you were saying you were missing a piece, the… washer, which part is that?'

He laughs wearily. 'The part thatta lets you turn the taps off.'

I hold the receiver away, and exhale in embarrassment. 'I see.'

'But you didn'ta call to hear about that, Princess. What were you a saying?'

'I… Oh. Yes. But don't you need to be cleaning that up? Was there a flood?'

He snorts, and I hear the sound of footsteps and someone sitting. 'Luigi a made the mess, Luigi can a fix it up. Right, _fratello_?'

I hear a half-hearted acknowledgement from further away.

'And besides, two of us cannot a fit in there anyways.'

'Right.' I twirl the phone cord around my fingers, look at the ceiling, then swivel my pink-and-gold chair to face the floor-length windows. 'Why do we even do this?'

'What are we a doing?'

'Sorry, that was vague. I mean — why do we even do this whole business with Bowser, anyway? I've lost track of how many times I've been kidnapped.'

'Coulda be the security at the castle? You only gotta the little toads. Bowser the one with alla the strong ones.'

'You may be right. You think someone would have thought to improve the security at the castle after the, I don't know, two-hundredth attempt,' I mutter. I think for a minute. 'If only we could stop him right off the bat. Why don't we do that, actually?'

An awkward silence. 'Well, princessa, I don't a always happen to a be at the castle. Often I'm at work with this _idiota_ over here — ' Luigi protests in the background, ' — meaning that I don't often happen to a be at the castle. 'And it's kinda hard for me to a just take on all of Bowser's airships and things all at once.'

'You're right. That was insensitive, I'm sorry.'

'Forgeta bout it, Princess.'

'But inevitably, you have to come to Bowser's Castle and defeat goodness knows how many airships and mini-bosses and even Bowser himself along the way. And you always win. I mean, I know somewhat of the matter because I did come with you to help free the Sprixies, but I was too busy trying to manage my dress in those glass pipes to actually take in all the actual "heroing" techniques.'

'Ah, the time with the kitty-cat suits. That was a lotta fun.'

I laugh. 'It was. But yes… What I'm asking is if there's a way we could… use all those techniques that we use to get to and defeat Bowserto cut the problem off before it even starts.'

'Hmm, I a see what you mean. Well, it's a not a quick thing, for starters. First, I gotta find out that you've a been a kidnapped.'

'Hmm… What if I called you? Gave you more of a heads up than the usual cannon fire and smoke floating around the castle?'

'Would not a really make a difference… As Bowser's airships are so fast…'

'I see what you mean.' I pause, then say, 'And this is what usually happens to my phone in the span of five minutes after being kidnapped: Bowser steps on it; I drop it and it breaks; I drop it over the side of the _airship_ and it breaks, or someone confiscates it. And Kamek turned me into a Goomba last time I snuck around Bower's Castle looking for a phone.'

'That'sa not so good. Well, then I've gotta find Luigi, or some toads, or whoever I can to a come along to help.'

'Like a Luma or a Yoshi, or that kind of a thing, depending on a the situation?' I cough; I think his accent's rubbing off on me.

'Exactly. Then I gotta get from A to Z, and there's a usually a lot of Bowser's a minions, and me and Luigi and a whoever else have gotta collect power ups and a whatever to even make it to Bower's Castle and a have a chance of winning.'

'So it's a process, rather.'

' _Si_. '

'You a play video games, Princess?'

'Sometimes?'

'For starters, you a gotta collect enough power ups to be a strong enough to defeat the boss. And even if you wanted to, there's all the bad guys between you and a the big bad guy. You a charge in, you get a stomped, but sometimes you a can't charge in even if ya want to.'

'I see. Thanks for telling me.'

'Eh? Well, you a welcome, I guess.'

I rest my elbows on my desk, and say, 'It's just that I actually know very little about the whole "rescuing" side of things. I'm usually sitting in a airship bored out my mind, or critiquing Bowser's monologues for lack of anything better to do.'

'You a critique his monologues?'

'Yes. He actually a stickler for punctuation. I read over his cue cards, and we had an argument about his excessive usage of ellipses. It's usually all _grahhh_ and _wrarrw_ in real life, but punctation drastically affects one's intonation, whether you can actually understand what he's saying or not.'

Mario bursts out laughing. 'You a too good for him, Princess.'

I grin, and roll my eyes. 'Tell me about it.'

'So you want to a do something about the whole kidnapping routine, no?'

'No. I mean, yes.'

'What's a got you started on that?'

'Do you think it's weird?'

'No? You a the princess, you do whatever you want. You tired of being kidnapped, you a do something about it. Simple.'

Once again, I'm struck by how blessed I am to have him in my life. 'I swear, Mario, you've got a better head on those shoulders than my entire Council put together.'

'Ah, thank you a very much.'

I glance out the window, then flip open the book on Toad etiquette. 'I overheard one of Toadsworth's lectures in the library.'

'Ah, the little toad a with the big ideas. And the moustache.'

'Yes, that's him. He was talking about the meaning of the universe and the why of life, and pertaining answers as to one's true — '

'Princess?'

'Pardon?'

'I only a plumber, Princess, the pertaining thing is a little over my head.'

'Ah, sorry. It was completely over my head as well. Anyway, basically I started wondering… I know this is going to sound unreasonable, given how you just outlined all the difficulties of the matter to me, but I started wondering why I spend half my life in Bowser's Castle. Why we do this whole I-get-kidnapped you-rescue-me thing.'

'Me too, sometimes. So you a wanna do something about it?'

I blink. 'I do, but…' I let out a frustrated sigh. 'Based on what you just told me, it's not going to be that easy.'

'Well, why don't you a make a schedule? You a good at those, no?'

'Like… plan what to do the next time we have a kidnapping incident?'

'Yes. A that.'

And I pull my weekly planner towards me.

'I'm trying to think what day of the week Bowser normally comes to the castle. Tuesdays?'

'Yeah. Long enough to a get over the Monday.'

'And I often bake on Tuesdays. What was that time he kidnapped me because he wanted me to make him a cake? I mean, if you're going to be an evil overlord, you may as well have your priorities straight, but still.'

'Cake is important. But yes, that a was a disaster. I a had to repair a spaceship and collect hundreds of power stars to a get you out of that one.'

I sag in my chair. 'My word. You should be getting paid.'

He chuckles. 'Heroes don't a get paid, Princess.'

'It would be a better use of our tax dollars. The last thing that the Council nominated to build was a statue of me positioned offshore of Toad Harbour.'

'The pretty rose-gold one, no? Looksa nice…'

'It's far too extravagant!'

I hear Luigi's voice in the background. 'Mario, I'm a done with the taps — '

'So get to making a start on the shower.'

'You get over here and help!'

'I'mma busy planning with the Princess how to a stop Bowser from kidnapping the Princess again. You fix the shower.'

'Eh, really? Sounds a good — means we donna have to walk all the way through the Mushroom Kingdom again!'

'I told you to buy a new pair of shoes afta the last time. They don't fit and a that's your problem.'

'They're my lucky pair!

'And then you're gonna end up a dropping them in the lava and then where will you be?'

I finally process what I just heard and I nearly drop the phone, aghast. 'You walk all the way across the Kingdom?! And goodness knows where else?! Why don't you just take a _car_?!'

'…We don't a have a car.'

'Then I'll buy you one! With our poorly allocated tax dollars!'

I can practically hear Luigi shrug. 'Sounds a good, _fratello_ , you should take her up on it.'

'The _shower,_ Luigi.'

'He says a yes, Princess!'

I hear the sound of a wrench hitting the wall, and Luigi yelps, and runs away.

I decide to ignore that, and I uncap a felt-tip pen. Today's Tuesday. I slash an 'x' over it in bold black, and sheathe the pen again. 'Right. Today's Tuesday. So let's do this today.'

'What you have in mind?'

I bite the end of the pen. What and why. Change is what we're trying to do, and as far as why…

Maybe I finally realised that I can just… be more. Do more. Stop being such a princess.

'If I change… I could disguise myself. Stop being such a princess.'

'You a don't want to be the princess any more?'

'No. No, anything but that. I don't want to stop being the princess; I want to be a _better_ princess. One that takes more initiative instead of sitting around in someone else's castle in a neon pink dress and neon yellow hair waiting for my ride to pick me up.'

That didn't sound quite right.

'Uh…' I say. 'I appreciate all the times you've saved me from the bottom of me heart, let me clarify that. I'm referring to my own lack of initiative.'

'It'sa no worries. You're the princess, you just a do whatever you want to do. You wanna be a better princess, then you a do it.'

Something's been fizzing inside me for a while now, like a Spring power up just waiting to explode. 'If that's the case… Then I'm going to cut my hair off and dye it red and ditch this pink dress and escape from the castle on a, a — motorcycle. A really aggressive-looking one.'

Mario drops his phone with a crash.

I have the feeling that Toadsworth would be horrified to learn of the domino chain that his lectures started.

'…Was that too much?' I ask hesitantly.

'Ah, eh… no? But is this a phase or something? Because I'm just a little worried…'

'I'm in my twenties — I'm past all my phases.'

'That a does not make me feel better.' He chuckles. 'You a really gonna dye your hair red?'

'I think so?' I get up and walk to the window. My reflection ghosts over the kingdom's skyline like a fading Boo. 'I mean… I'm not just hacking my hair off and being different for the sake of it. I just want to change. And if I have to change my appearance or disguise myself for this plan to work, then I may as well go all out. Like a token of a pledge.'

I recall saying something similar, when Paper Princess Peach and myself were trapped in Bowser Jr's Castle, and we passed the time planning un-princessy makeovers. I said I wanted to wear something different, to cut my hair off and dye it red. But no, I couldn't, because it wasn't the princessy thing to do. It was as though I couldn't escape the castle, no matter which version of me from whichever dimension it was.

I'm still a princess, and proud of it, but I want to be a better princess. For myself and for everyone around me.

Merely changing my appearance won't make a difference. It's the desire to change what's inside that counts. Yet whether it's for the sake of this mission or no, part of me wants to leave that helpless princess with her blonde hair and pink dresses behind, at least her persona if not her appearance.

'Do you hate me, Mario?' I whisper.

'Why would I hate you, Princess?'

'Because I'm changing everything. Changing us. What we are.'

If he doesn't hate me, then I hate myself. For sticking a flag in the ground and saying I want to be independent, then pinning everything on a _man's_ opinion of that. As though I need him to accept what I'm doing for it to have any value.

Yet aren't I asking him, not for his opinion, but because I care? Because I don't want to leave him hanging?

We can't even say what we really mean. _Do you hate me, Mario?_

 _I'm so selfish, can you forgive me for doing this? Will you be all right?_

'You a beating yourself up for no reason, Princess.'

'Huh?'

'You a your own person. You a don't need to worry about doin' every little thing based on how it affects other people!'

My fingers tighten on the receiver. 'But you always do so much for me. I can't just do something so drastic without at least thinking how it may affect you.'

'You a stressing too much about it. But thank you, princessa.'

Tears spring to my eyes.

'But you a don't need to — '

I hear Luigi humming in the background. 'You a should just get together already.'

The phone hits the floor with a clatter on the other end, and I drop my head against the window with a bang. As Mario yells at Luigi in the background, I cough, and brace myself for the customary moment where we try to pretend as though that didn't happen.

Because it's not as though the subject hasn't been broached before.

Mario picks up the phone again, and sighs. 'Sorry for my _idiota_ brother, Princess.'

'…It's fine.'

'So we a gonna do this thing, or what?'

I look at the clock. 'Yes. We're going to do this thing. Can you meet me at the castle in an hour?'

'At two-thirty?'

'On average, Bowser shows up around then because that's afternoon tea time. More likelihood of cake.'

'We're a planning this whole show on when the castle serves their afternoon tea cake?'

'Pretty much.'

Mario exhales. 'Well, as a long as Luigi doesn't destroy the shower, I can a do it.'

'Good. Until then.'

' _Arrivederci_ — Luigi, no, the — oh forget it — ' and the line cuts out.

And I pull out my smartphone. Because a dial telephone isn't going to hack it with the amount of people I have to call.

A bright orange flower flashes on my screen.

'Daisy?'

She shrieks in my ear. 'Like, wow, it's been foreverrrr! Why are you calling, Peachy, like, whaaat?!'

I hold the phone away from my ear with a wary smile. 'I had a favour —

'Yes! I don't even know what it is but yes and I'm in love with it and I'll do it one-hundred percent! Aw yeah!'

A voice interrupts on her end — somewhat akin to the sound of a squeaky toy stuck in a Chain Chomp's throat. 'Daisy, get yerself over here and — '

'You know that was an out! Talk to the little toad on the little chair on the little platform and he will show you the little video on the little screen of _you_ hitting an _OUT_!'

'Who on earth are you talking to?'

'Waluigi — and I'm not talking to him, I'm showing him up on the tennis court for lack of anyone else to play against. Ain't no Luigi, that's for sure.'

'EYYY! I heard that, ya little — '

'That was the _point_!' she yells back, then swings back into our call. 'So what do you need, Peachy?'

'A makeover: I need my stylish Princess Daisy to find me the most anti-pink and non-frilly outfit that she can.'

She screams in excitement. 'Can we do leather?! And spiked jewellery?!'

'Yes, if you can do it in thirty minutes!'

'I can do it in _threeee_!' she shrieks, and races off, forgetting to even end the call.

'Oi, Daisy — what about our match?!'

'I'll finalise your epic defeat later! Whenever, just not now!'

I stifle a laugh and hang up, then ring Toadette — who is at the castle today for Professor Toadsworth's lectures, a marvellous coincidence — and get through on the second ring.

'Hello?' she squeaks.

Despite the pressure, I can't help but melt into warm and fuzzies at the sound of her adorable voice. 'Toadette, I need a big favour. I'll get Toad off work and clear his schedule for a date if you do.'

'Done! Anything for you, princess!'

'I need red hair dye. And scissors.'

A long silence. The scales — of a date with Toad on one hand and the out-of-context request on the other — tilt back and forth then slam down in Toad's favour. 'Done! Coming right up!'

The call ends and next up, I ring Pauline.

'Hello, doll?'

'Pauline, can I call in a favour that you probably owe Mario, please?'

'Yeah, hon, easy as. What is it?'

'I need a getaway vehicle for something I've got planned this afternoon. Can you hook me up with a motorcycle supplier and get something sent over to me in thirty minutes or less?'

'Wild afterparty at the castle?'

'Well, we'll _have_ an afterparty if we can pull this thing off.

'…It'll be a push coming all the way from New Donk City…'

'What if someone rode it over?'

'Oh, that'll be a snap. Consider it done.'

Done, done, done. I grin.

Then I ring up Rosalina.

'This is Rosalina from the Observatory speaking, how may I help you?'

'Um… It's Princess Peach.'

'Oh, it's you. How fares the Mushroom Kingdom?'

'Er, yes, fine. I was just wanted to ask for some advice: I just had an identity crisis, and now I'm attempting to fend off and defeat an invading evil overlord, have you got any tips?'

'Is Mario on vacation?' she says flatly.

'I… no. I'm, um, taking initiative.'

'Colour me shocked.' Despite her words, she sounds reluctantly impressed.

I swap the phone to my other ear. 'I mean, I know Mario has basically saved us all at one point, so we can't really talk, but there's nothing wrong having a guy's help to save the day, is there? It's the whole getting kidnapped and put in an ivory tower thing that I want to stop.'

'An ivory tower surrounded by lava.'

'A granite castle surrounded by lava.'

'Why haven't you renovated his castle, given all the times you've been stuck there?'

'Excellent question, I don't know.'

'And as far as _your_ question… I guess not. You're enlisting his help for _your_ efforts, not relying on him save you. A smart woman exploits her resources.'

'That's horrible!' I protest.

'Yes, but you're not a mild-mannered princess anymore — you're a war general with only one goal, to win the day with whatever resources you have to hand and by any means necessary. Grand Stars know that I didn't pass up the chance to get his help in finding all the Observatory's Power Stars. And if you want to stick a "boyfriend" label on your resources, then so be it.'

I splutter, and cough, and have to take a sip from the Golden Mushroom-shaped mug on my desk before I can speak again. 'You are _dreadful_.'

'And that's why you called me: for pointers on how to be dreadful.'

'I can't argue. In that case, I'll go and _utilise_ my resources.'

I guess you can't take the girl out of the princess,' Rosalina sighs.

'No, but I'm taking the princess out of the girl.'

And I hang up.

My doors slam and Toadette bursts in, pigtails whirling. 'Hair dye!' she wheezes. 'The human kind!'

'Fantastic — wait, what?' But I don't have time and I click "confirm changes" on the group calendar page that I share with Toad, and I sprint into my pink-and-gold bathroom with the hair dye; change into a t-shrit and gym shorts, and slather on the dye with Toadette's help.

A crash at my window brings us running back out into the office to see Princess Daisy at the window.

'Why the window?!'

She grins and jumps from the cloud-riding Laituku that she hitched a lift with, and tosses a coin over her shoulder as payment, nearly knocking the poor thing out and sending cloud and rider spiralling into the garden ponds.

She lands on the windowsill, still decked out in tennis attire it appears. 'I was in a hurry! And I have clothes!'

You can _hear_ the extra exclamation marks when this girl talks.

She strews the garments all around the floor: leather, chains, glitter, denim, things I don't even recognise, let alone wear. 'So what are we doing?'

'Skipping the whole kidnapping song and dance and taking Bowser on right here at the castle.'

' _Bliss_ , my kittens, _bliss_.' She skids to a halt and points at me, demanding, 'What colour is that dye?'

'Ah, red?'

'Great! I'll coordinate, so — '

My phone rings and I take it, and hear, 'Princess, someone's at the castle garages with a… motorcycle?'

'Wonderful, if you can bring it to the dining hall as a matter of urgency, please.'

'The dining hall?!'

'Let the Toads ride it down the halls or something, they'll have fun.'

'But the carpet runners!'

I take a breath, then go for it. 'What's the fate of the kingdom in the face of carpet runners?! This is a supreme dictate from your princess, man!'

A second later, I hear the roar of engines, and another second later, I see a motorbike laden with Toads careening down the hall, the little passengers cheering as they break some kind of speed record.

'Why don't I come over more often?' Daisy complains. 'This is _way_ more fun than hanging out in Sarasaland.'

A timer pings in the bathroom, and Toadette whisks me off to wash out the dye. Then she brandishes a pair of silver-and-diamond scissors in front of my dripping wet face. 'You asked?'

'Do you know how to cut hair?'

She points at her spherical pigtails — actually decorations on her hat — and asks, "Do I look like I know how to cut hair? Toads don't have _hair_!'

Daisy walks in and takes one look at the situation, then sits me down in front of the mirror and takes the scissors. 'I cut my hair all the time. If it were up to everyone else, I'd have waist-length tresses like Peachy here.'

She gathers up my hair in a fist and makes to cut it, but I hold up a finger. 'May I do the honours?'

She grins. 'Little lady, you may indeed.'

And I hack off my blonde princess hair in one sweep.

We all freeze, like we just hit some kind of climax.

'Sharp scissors,' Toadette observes.

'Y'know it,' Daisy says, and expertly feathers and textures the ends and roughs up my love heart-shaped bangs into a styled, blowdried, red bob.

My mouth puckers in shock. 'Oh… wow.'

Daisy tosses the scissors aside and whistles. 'I should be a hairdresser. Scratch that, I should dye my hair as well and we should ask Mario and Luigi out on a double date, what d'ya reckon?'

My face flames as scarlet as my hair. 'I reckon you're crazy!' I yell, and we run back out into the office.

Daisy dumps a pile of clothes into my arms and it's back into the bathroom for me, not even really knowing what I'm putting on until I'm all zipped up and leathered and denim-clad and silvered-up, and staring at a completely different princess in the mirror.

Completely different.

Red hair. Denim jeans with a thick leather belt. A leather jacket and long spiked silver earrings. Chunky red leather boots. Sleek blue fingerless gloves.

And a peach-pink t-shirt with a Super Crown on it and a bold blue logo that reads: _Femme_.

I walk out of the bathroom and give Daisy a look. 'A feminist t-shirt? really?'

She smirks. 'It is _perfect_ , and that you cannot deny, my dear girl!'

And I really can't. I spin, ecstatically, deliriously happy and short-haired and _excited_ , and even defeating an invading army doesn't sound that impossible right now.

I hug and kiss Daisy and Toadette, then head for the doors, allowing myself only a brief acknowledgement of nerves in a quick breath in and out. 'Thank you, girls. Now I want you to get yourselves out of danger — and don't argue! — because this is going to be risky enough as it is, but besides that, if Bowser sees you here, Daisy, then — '

Daisy waves her hands and tosses a sparkling tiara onto my head, and says, 'Got it got it got it, okay, go, blah blah blah blah — '

I smile and she winks back, and I sprint down the corridor as fast as my denim-clad red-booted feet can go —

Only to run into Toadsworth.

' _Princess!_ '

'I've found my _why_ , Professor Toadsworth!'

His jaw goes slack, and I power on. 'My purpose and calling was always to be a princess, but when it comes to taking agency, all I've been doing is waiting for someone else to save me! Why should I rely on others and put them to expense when I can do my part and take action for myself! I'm going to become a better princess, a princess that can take care of herself!'

'I… I… But why… red hair?'

'I'm changing my image as a token of a pledge. It could be a phase, but we can ask _why_ later, once Mario and I stop Bowser right here at our castle gates!'

And despite his shock, he salutes me with his cane. 'Sally forth!'

'Yes sir!'

And I sprint past him as he calls after me, 'But we are still going to discuss your fashion choices when you're done!'

'Yes sir!'

I power down the hallway and into the dining hall. An airy room, the sculpted white walls open to the fresh air and blue sky, and the location of many a spoilt tea party. A table for two and a gleaming black motorcycle sit in the empty space, with a certain plumber sitting at the table, the toes of his boots scuffing the carpet. I come to a halt.

He catches sight of me and blinks, then recognises me. He's so shocked that it actually takes a few seconds for his jaw to drop.

'…Is it too much?' I ask awkwardly.

He pulls himself together and smiles. 'I not a know if it is too little or to much, but you a make it look good, Princess.'

Tears threaten to spill again. _Mario…_

He gets up, but I cough and wave a hand, hiding behind my bobbed red hair as I say, 'I'm sure that Bowser won't be long; would you care for some refreshments while we wait?'

He sits, slowly, and I do the same, handing a written request to a passing Toad. The Toad's little black eyes nearly pop out of their sockets, and he patters off as fast as his brown slippered feet can carry him.

'Tea?' I ask.

I realise that he's staring, and he presses a hand to his head with a rueful smile. 'I'mma sorry, Princess. You sound just a like yourself yet you look completely different. It'za crazy.'

'I do?' I ask, pouring the tea, watching the liquid trickle into the cup.

I changed my appearance because I wanted to show commitment to the change I wanted to make, to set my new direction in concrete. Yet what change is that? Am I changing who I am completely?

…No. At least, I don't think so. Maybe I am, but at the heart of it, I'm changing my actions. I want to be a better person, regardless of who that person is. I want to better myself, not strip away everything I am and become something completely different.

'I'm glad…' I say.

He watches me, and a half-smile flashing across his face. Then he looks down and says, 'Princess, the tea!'

I yelp and jerk the teapot up just in time. 'Oh dear, sorry!'

I fill my own and attempt not to spill it everywhere, and set the teapot down and take up a plate with a piece of shortcake. 'So you finished your job?'

Mario fingers his moustache with an embarrassed laugh. 'Ahaha, no… Luigi is back there a finishing it up, but he told me to just a come up here to meet you. He managed to jam the shower head and he a has a _lotta_ work left ahead of him.'

I chip away at my cake, filling my cheeks with Victorian sponge like a hamster. 'I see. I hope he doesn't have any further problems.'

Mario sets down his teacup. 'Princess, are you nervous?'

I look up, blink, swallow, clear my throat, then promptly start panicking. 'Of course I'm nervous — we're taking on Bowser! _The_ Bowser! Ourselves!'

'I know, but I do this a every Tuesday, Princess.'

I stare at him for a moment. 'Was that a… joke?'

' _Si_.' And his eyes sparkle, that blue colour that I'm well familiar with.

I drop my face in my gloved hands. 'I'm sorry,' I mumble. 'I'm just so wrapped up in my part of it that I lost my head.'

'Don't a worry.' He glances at the elaborate clock that adorns a nearby doorway, and turns back to me. 'You want to a make a plan? Because Bowser will a show up any minute.'

'Ah.' I take my teacup, sip, stare into the liquid intently, then set it down again. 'Right. I know I'm never involved in this side of things, but this is my idea, and you make whatever changes you want.'

'Let's a hear it.'

I point and stab the tablecloth with a finger as I talk. 'Bowser will come in his airship, bomb everything, take me captive, and whisk me off.'

'But not a this time.'

'Not a this time. I mean, not this time. Because one, he'll be surprised to see you here with no warning and that will give us a few seconds, and two, I'll shock him right out of his shell with my new appearance. So we'll have a brief window to act. While he's distracted, I'll escape on my motorbike and get out of his reach, and you'll take the Power Star that the Toads are bringing from the castle vault and blow Bowser's airships to kingdom come.'

It's the perfect plan. I know it involves me running away, but as Bowser's airships often have mechanical grabbing arms, I have to get out of reach or this will all be for naught. And I don't know how to fight in close-quarters combat, let alone with power ups and power stars — that's Mario's specialty.

Mario looks surprised. 'You have Power Stars here atta the castle?'

'Yes we do, but not often. They're usually used as active power sources or dispersed across the kingdom. Or dispersed across the galaxy, whichever.'

Mario stares at the table, then slowly shakes his head. My heart sinks. 'We can't a do it, Princess.'

'Why not? Is it the time limit on the Power Stars? I know they normally only last for twenty seconds, but that should be plenty of time, for you, shouldn't it?'

'No, it's a not about the time limit.' He looks at me. 'You never see it, cause you a always at Bowser's castle when this a happens, but Bowser's airships not a go _poof_ like his minions and things. They crash into the ground. If I defeat Bowser and his airships a go down here, it will a destroy the castle, and everything around it.'

I clap a hand to my mouth, horrified. 'Oh no… I didn't even think of that…'

'It's a not your fault, Princess, you had no clue.' Mario leans back in his chair, raising the front legs slightly off the carpet. 'It would a work and be a brilliant plan iffa only we weren't in the castle.'

I frown. I look at the motorbike. I frown again. Then I snap my fingers, and say, 'What if I get Bowser to chase me?'

Mario's eyebrows shoot up, but he can't stop me now and I say, 'It's likely he'll try and chase me if he sees me escape anyway, I should have thought of that. And if I lead him away from the castle and you get onto the ships in the chaos, you can use the Power Star the moment we get far enough away from the castle. It will be perfect.'

'It will a be dangerous, Princess. The ships have cannons, and he'll be shooting at you.'

'Then that's just the risk we'll have to take. And I'll just have to drive really fast.'

I stop. And look at Mario again. I smile cautiously. 'One question, how do you drive a motorbike?'

Mario drops his cake fork under the table and nearly knocks his tea over. 'You a asking that _now_ , Princess?! Why you even get a motorbike if you not a know how to drive it?!'

'It was the first non-princessy option that came to mind!' I protest.

He stares at me, then throws his hands up. 'But you a drive a bike in the Mario Kart races all the _time_!'

I blink. 'Oh. I thought that was a go-karting bike. Are they the same thing?'

'It a works exactly the same — !'

BOOM

I shriek and Mario leaps out of his chair, cannon fire rocking the castle and blasting smoking holes in the walls one after the other, BANG BANG BANG and this is happening a _lot_ faster than I expected.

'You ready, Princess?' Mario yells.

The Toads run over, quaking in their brown shoes but running to our aid with a Power Star in hand nonetheless, and I take it and throw it to him, my face spattered with ash and dust and my hair a mess but I smile anyway.

'Yes!'

A monolithic shadow kills the sun's light, and a familiar, dark orchestral theme rolls through the castle.

'BWAHAHAHA!'

I narrow my eyes. Our enemy appears in the smoke, in flaming red and polished green and hard black, painted in colours I've learned to completely hate, ruby eyes and faceted scales gleaming in the dust.

'GRAWWARRH — '

'Enunciate!' I yell. 'I know we've done this hundreds of times but even so, if you're going to monologue at us then we'd at least like to know what you're _actually_ saying!'

He glares at me, then makes to begin another incoherent dialogue, but stops. 'Mario? _What's he doing here?_ ' he roars. 'You only invite him to the castle every third Tuesday!'

'I do?'

'You're the one with all the scheduling, you pink brat! You even schedule the guard rotations at my castle when you're there!'

'You a do what?!' Mario protests. 'Then why can't you a make it easier for me an Luigi to get in?!'

'Because I never know when you're going to get there! And I'm doing it to fill in time, not to be strategic! The only other alternative is watching Koopaling Cartoons with Bowser's kids!'

'Leave my kids out of this — ' Bowser pulls up short, stops, and stares. 'Hey, wait… You're not Princess Peach.' I raise an unimpressed eyebrow. _Is he going blind in his old age or is he too busy reading his recycled cue cards to actually look at me?_

'Where's the pink brat?!' he demands.

'The pink brat got a makeover,' I say bluntly, and I vault onto the motorcycle and shove the helmet on and slam my feet onto the pegs.

'Could care less — you're coming with me!'

Another round of cannon fire; it nearly throws me from my bike and Mario has to vault out of the way.

'Go, Princess!' he yells.

A flash — of a looming mechanical hand over my head — a flash — of the world through the smoking holes in the castle walls — and he doesn't have to tell me twice —

And I kick off and blast from the castle wall, falling, and skidding down the roof in a streak of scorched tiles and I crash onto the tarmac and blaze down the street, wind and smoke in my hair and sheer adrenaline and panic in my system.

Traffic blurs — a screeching mess of horns and metal and glass — and I flick the visor up and look back —

The airship is already turning and gunning for me — the whole _fleet_ is, and all I can do is break the speed limit and drive for my life, and try to stay ahead of the shadow of the armada at my back.

'Mario!' I shriek. Because some habits die hard, don't they? 'Mario, hurry up!'

Shells hit the tarmac and explode, throwing me back and forth and cratering the road, and I whizz over a suspension bridge crammed with traffic and over lanes and cutting corners and even going up walls and sidewalks.

'I've competed in 200cc Mirror races!' I tell myself, laughing from sheer panic. 'With lighting bolts and Thwomps and I've even raced in Bowser's Castle! This is nothing! Nothing!'

Another blast and it throws me from the bridge and onto an abandoned freeway that cuts into the countryside, with nothing and no cover between me and the firepower chasing me down. I glance again, only to see a storm of tiny projectiles homing in on me, fists clenched and eyes glaring —

'Bullet Bills?!' I wail. 'Mariooo!'

Then I hear something. A jazzy, annoying, sawtooth piano jingle, and I turn to see a streak of rainbow arcing from ship to ship — but it's all I can do to keep the bike upright — and I don't know if he's going to make it to the main ship in time — and the road's running out — and I hear sound itself implode behind me, and the airship's coming down and this isn't going to end well —

' _Agh_!'

The blast hits my back and flings me and the bike forward, scraping along the road, swerving into a grinding flame of a stop in smoke and purple sparks and Bullet Bills plowing into the road and crashing into each other in midair, screeching in a drift stop, finally tipping and tapping the road, and I topple off and into the grass.

A stray Goomba gives me a disturbed look, and waddles off.

The airship hits the ground. And bursts into flames.

And I burst out laughing. Laughing until I can't even breathe, wiping tears from my eyes with my gloved hands and bare fingertips. I get to my feet and stagger back onto the road.

A silhouette appears from the wreckage. Unconsciously, I hold my breath, but it's Mario, and he walks down the road, coughing and waving the smoke away with soot-stained gloves.

He catches sight of me. He stops, and adjusts his hat. He grins. 'Normally we gotta drop him in the lava to bring him down — seems a setting alla the ships on fire works a pretty good too, no?'

I run, run down the road and tackle him in a hug, and frankly I couldn't care what Toadsworth would say if he were here.

'Ahaha, Princess…' Mario laughs, embarrassed. ' _Mamma mia_ …'

'We did it!' I spin, ignoring our ridiculous heigh difference and spinning with giddy excitement, 'We did it!

'That a we did!'

A groan. We turn to see Bowser pull his way free and claw his way out of the smoking remains of his ship. 'Since when could you do anything useful, Princess — '

'First, there was that one time with the talking parasol. Secondly, you seem to have forgotten the Sprixie incident. And thirdly — _don't call me princess!_ '

Mario and Bowser stare at me.

'I am not _your_ princess, Bowser! I am my own person and the princess of this kingdom — not anyone's toy, puppet, or kidnapping victim — and if you dare cross my threshold again I'm going to implode your ship with a Power Star myself!'

Bowser stares. Before giving up and collapsing in the wreckage, mumbling and swearing under his breath.

Mario whistles. 'I would a like to a see that, my princess.' He stops, and grimaces. 'I'm a sorry, you just a said you were not anyone's princess. I shouldn't a —'

'Not just anyone's,' I say. He looks at me, startled, and I look away with a faint blush on my cheeks. I risk a glance back.

He's smiling. 'Well, you a good princess for your kingdom. I'm a proud of you.'

 _Mario…_

We both look at the flaming wreckage blocking the road, and I wince, knowing that my bike is likely not fit for use anymore.

Mario sighs, and looks around, shielding his eyes from the sun. 'This is a where it would be a good idea to a have a car, no? I guess we should a call for someone to give us a lift…'

'No.' I take his hand. 'Let's walk. I've always seen this area from the air. I've never seen it from the ground.'

Mario grins at me. 'Then I guess you a get to find out what it's a like for me and Luigi a trekking around everywhere.'

I laugh sheepishly. 'And let's take the long, scenic route. Because once we get back, Toadsworth is probably going to try and talk me into dying my hair back to blonde.'

And we set out over the green hills, laughing, talking, and leaving the merry havoc we wreaked behind us.

I glance back. Bowser looks up from surveying the collateral damage and gives me a disgusted look, but perhaps — and I could be imagining it — he looks almost slightly impressed.

I grin. Then burst into laughter at the look on his face and turn back, and keep walking.

 _I could do this again sometime._

 _The End_

* * *

 **A/N:** Reviews welcome, and thanks for reading!


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